What is contentment?

Depressed again... I'm starting to wonder if I need help. I can't point to one thing that is causing me to feel like this. I make up scapegoats in my mind and blame all of my problems on my past. I don't know.
I think that maybe I've become dependent on my depression. I don't want to be happy anymore. I know that that sounds paradoxical. Maybe that's why I'm so confused. Maybe there isn't always one clear way, maybe there isn't always just one right answer. I don't know.